To Have More (Kids)?

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About this time every year I wonder if this is the year I will have another baby.

I know, I know, I already have 5, why would I want more?

It’s complicated.

For most people five  is 2-3 more kids than they would ever want to have. For me it’s at least one less. When Kirk and I got married I wanted to have 6. Not sure why, possibly because my aunt had 6 and I liked the idea of a large family. When we had trouble getting pregnant, I was thrilled to have one so when I found out we were having triplets as our third pregnancy  I was beyond excited. Triplets wasn’t exactly what I had in mind but to go from being infertile to having 5 children was a dream come true. While pregnant with the girls I was sure that they would be my last children.

Of course, when I was pregannt I couldn’t foresee surviving one day with three babies let alone five full years.

But now they’re five and depending on the day I want another one. Some days are still crazy and I feel overwhelmed and the thought of adding a baby seems like the wrong thing to do but on the good days when the girls are playing nicely together and the bigger kids are getting along I can’t help but the feel the desire to add “just one more”.

In our society there seems to be a stigma surrounding larger families. Our family seems to get a “pass” on the dirty looks because people feel like we went for a third child (which would be – to them – a normal sized family) and got three more. However, knowing how other large families are looked at I can only imagine the stares and questions I would get if I were pregnant with another baby.

Before I had any children I would be asked when I would have children. After my first and then my second people would ask when I would have more. Now they see my five and ask “you’re done right?”

I wish I knew. After five children and fifteen years of marriage you think I would “feel” done. With all of mine in school and out of diapers it should be an easy choice to move on and yet a big part of me can’t fathom being “done”.

Added to my heart right now is that the fact that we’re hosting a short-term exchange student from Korea and she’s all of 13-years-old so for a brief time I have six kids and it’s been a lot of fun. The kids have taken to her and enjoy playing with her. Maybe the Lord is bending my heart towards adoption. Yet seeing my kids take so well to my new niece, Aubree it’s hard for me not to imagine them loving on a new little baby of our own.

How do you know when you’re “done”? What signals the stopping point? Do you follow your heart or your wallet?

For now I have little choice but to wait on the Lord’s timing and for a person who is not patient I find this to be a very hard task. Until I know for sure I’ll be hoping for my big van with a license plate that says “2 HV MRE”

“Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!” Psalm 27:14

“But they who wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.” Isaiah 40:31

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One response »

  1. I though I would regret not having another child and wondering what that child would be like. That is how I realized that I was not done having children. Now that I have my third child who just got through the terrible twos, I KNOW I am done.

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